he is not perfect. at all.
he's awkward, very awkward, but in a confident sense, and i like it
he annoys me to no end, sometimes, but there's always this weird feeling of constant respect behind it
he does what he feels and says what he thinks, and i love to hear it all
i understand him so well
i agree with him
in this way he reminds me so much of myself.
and he's mature and knows who he is and so much more about life and death
and he knows how to be goofy
he loves what i love, or what i know of
i want to know more about him and for him to know me.
and he respects me. i know it. i feel it. he shows it. and says it. i love it. he knows and understands a side of me that barely anyone else does and that's something amazing. it's so personal, yet what he does makes it so impersonal. but he cares. i can tell he cares. about me? or about his role in life? either way, it's a passion and i feel it. it's so strong and so right, yet SO wrong. am i the only one who feels something at all? probably.
i should receive this passion in the professional way he sends it. that would be right. i know i can. i've been. i know i'm not daring enough to do anything out of the ordinary, but if the difference wasn't so great and his eyes weren't trained to look away, maybe, just maybe there'd be something. anything, more.
he probably can't see it. the rings on his tree overpower any possibility.
but i can see, even if my tree with its rings and its love aren't close enough.
i know he deserves someone--needs someone. he's ready. i'm probably not, but i'm willing.
i just hope that he has some sort of glimpse out of the corner of his eye, or maybe a feeling tucked in the corner of his heart, some sort of idea of how i feel about him.
maybe we could be friends? like actual friends. but i don't know how it works. how to make it normal or to make it right.
no.
it's not even an option
i think i love him and it's really weird and it's not good news and it's completely not allowed and i don't know what to do...
maybe later. way later.
3 comments:
This is really REALLY intriguing. Times a thousand. and that's an understatement.
i get what you're saying and it makes me happy. not so much that you're confused and sad and possibly tortured, but i'm sorta glad that i'm not the only person whose felt the sentiments you have in this piece....or maybe i'm projecting my own experiences on your writing and my interpretation is really off base...but whatever.
nope, i know exactly what you're thinking, abi, and you're right on target.
both of your comments made me really happy i posted this. i wasn't going to.
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